(adapted/quoted from the original article)

 

This research involved twenty-five people, all but one over 70 years of age, who considered their life to be ‘complete’ and no longer worth living, and who strongly wished to die while not being terminally or mentally ill. They participated in an in-depth interview exploring their lived experience. The interview was structured in three sequences:1) completed life; 2) the wish to die; and 3) organising a self-directed death. In this paper, the researchers focus on the first two sequences as these correspond with the aim of their article.

 

Guiding interview questions were:

“Can you describe what it means to experience that life is completed?”;

“Can you describe what it means to have a strong desire to die?”; and

“Can you describe as fully as possible how this experience influences your daily life?”

 

In order to encourage participants to articulate their experiences in detail, the interviewer kept on posing questions such as: “Can you elaborate a bit more on that?” Furthermore, to minimise any impact on informants' expressions and responses during the interview, the researchers used open, non-directive formulations and expressions consistent with the participant's language as much as possible.

 

In their results, the researchers identified five common reasons for the interviewees wanting to end their lives.

 

I use these categories to explain my own position with respect to my own completed life.

 

 

1. A sense of aching loneliness

 

Whilst this may be true for those interviewed, I am not lonely or suffering from loneliness. Indeed, I have a wide range of close friends across a number of countries. I am happy in those friendships and I have invested much time and effort in maintaining them. I trust that they will remain friends until the end of my life. It is possible that, should I live beyond 70 years old, that I might become lonely through any inability to visit or speak to those friends. But my plan is not to necessarily wait until that time to find out if I would become lonely.

 

2. The pain of not mattering

 

At this stage in my life, I do not see myself ‘not mattering’. I do matter to my friends and to those family members still living. I believe that my friendship is valuable to them just as their friendship is valuable to me. When the elderly find themselves in care institutions, it is very clear that many start believing that they don’t matter anymore. That is a challenge for society to find a solution for. It is for this reason, that I do not wish to join voluntarily or be placed in such an institution. I propose to live an independent life until my demise.

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3. The inability to express oneself

 

I think you are beginning to understand the motivation behind my focus on this article. As one gets older and older, the ability and opportunity to express oneself does become limited – in some cases, there is no meaningful communication at all. I do not wish this to be my future. I wish to pass from this mortal coil, in full control of my physical, mental, psychological, intellectual and just about every other skill that we humans have.

 

 4. Multi-dimensional feelings of tiredness

 

All too often we hear elderly folk say, “I am tired”. This tiredness covers so many different forms of fatigue: physical, mental, emotional, and so on but to be honest, I believe what they are saying is that they are ‘tired of life, tired of living’. And I do not believe that there is anything wrong with that position. After all, the individual is likely to have lived a long, healthy and productive life and at some stage, the reality is that you are not likely to be able to continue in the same vein. It is at this point that the individual might well say: ‘I have lived a complete life’. Right now, I am not tired of life as there are a small number of tasks (if I can call them that) that I still wish to complete. One of those tasks was to continue to take care of my elderly mother. When she passed in December 2022, my role as her caregiver ended. I now have only myself to care for. Another task I wish to conduct is to teach one more time on Durham University's Pre-Sessional programme in the summer of 2023. That will be my final contribution to my career in education. Thereafter, I aim to travel the world and see as many people as I can to bid farewell. Once that journey ends, I believe my life will be complete.

 

 5. An aversion towards feared dependence

 

I have watched my elderly mother transition from independent living until the age of 90 to having lived for more almost five years in a retirement institution. It is clear to me that her loss of independence was probably her greatest challenge at and I do not believe that she ever accepted that loss. I have also witnessed many other family and friends struggle with life at an older age and seen how their quality of life deteriorates so significantly, that life is not worth living. I do not propose to become dependent, frail, immobile and unable to conduct my life with dignity. I choose to leave with all my faculties as intact as they can be. It is not that I ‘fear’ old age – it is more that I feel my life is approaching its ‘completeness’ and when it is complete, I will be ready to pass on.

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Comment:

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You have now read my response to the reasons given by those subjects in the study. The longer I live, the more likely it is that my future response may well be very similar to those above. At some point in my future, the scales will tip towards my no longer being fully independent and I strongly believe that, at that point, it should be my decision - and mine alone - whether I continue to remain alive or not. I am encouraged by a 'movement' seen in society today that we focus more on celebrating the life of the individual rather than their passing. We must accept that each of us will pass and our objective as humans is to make that passing as humane as possible. In the meantime, we need to live with gratitude, empathy and mindfulness.

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Read and reflect on this poem by Kahlil Gibran. (It is also known as 'Fear')

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https://www.awakin.org/v2/read/view.php?tid=2422

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The Mgeni River in Durban just before it reaches the ocean

 

 

My completed life plans

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From the research I have done, there are two possible options for my own end of life passage.

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The first is to engage with an organisation in Switzerland which I am a member of to assist in my end of life choice. To many, this option may be expensive but I have made provision in my plans to cover this cost. On the positive side, this option takes place in a supportive and compassionate environment and occurs quickly and efficiently. As it takes places outside my country of citizenship, further arrangements need to be made for my remains to be returned to New Zealand.

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The second option is to remain in New Zealand and engage in a VSED (voluntary stopping eating and drinking). It is not commonly known but this option is legal in most countries perhaps because society is not yet quite ready to accept this practice as part of our individual end of life choice. The option is not concluded without consultation and requires the support of general practitioners and a hospice or hospital environment in which to take place. It is a more challenging option as it requires personal commitment and determination given the extended period required before passing. 

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Both options must be extensively considered before a final decision is made. Different people will approach that decision in different ways and will no doubt reflect the views and philosophy of the individual making that decision. I will make my decision at some point in the future when I am ready to do so. It has taken me many years of consideration to reach this point and I still have more consideration to reflect on but I wish to clarify that I do not consider my plans simply 'taking my own life' - it is the result of much reflection and consideration culminating in a strong belief that my life will be complete. 

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Cape Reinga Lighthouse

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In Māori culture and legend, it is from near this area at the northern-most tip of the North Island of New Zealand that spirits 'leap off' to enter the underworld. Cape Reinga is a favoured tourist destination and is on the tentative UNESCO list awaiting acceptance as a World Heritage Site.

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